Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
