Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
third nipple confirmed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
