I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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