I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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