she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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