Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
