'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
