I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
