why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
