My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Everclear isn't food dammit
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
