my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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