Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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