I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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