I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
