So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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