come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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