I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
