So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
