one two three fourrrrnication!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
