i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
