onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
