Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
