why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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