How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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