My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
His nipple licking is glorious
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