Please, let me fuck your mom
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
