I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You were trust falling into bushes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
