it hurts more in the daytime
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
