he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
