You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
