Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
