i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was like eating out sand paper
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
