"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
