It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
