Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
