How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
