just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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