I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We need to get me chipped asap
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
