Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
