see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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