if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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