No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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