did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
