He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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