she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
