just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
