I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
