Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
