My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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