It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you win again, gameday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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