are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
