my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
