keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
