u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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