My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
